Ever have the realization that you are a wash-up that never made it to the shores of financial or artistic success? I have. I’m the kind of fellow that was almost famous. I was cutting edge on the internet from 1997 to 2007. I was Google famous. I was a public broadcasting star. Not even NPR, more like leftist radio famous. This is literally true.
I cannot accept how often people use this word: Literally.
Broadly speaking, we are all obsessed with fame. It was always a little pathetic when someone with talent — a musician or actor — looked upon themselves through the lens of stardom while working in regional theatre or small nightclubs or hipster basement parties, but now everybody has this self-view, especially the talentless. If twerking is a talent, if selfies are a talent, I don’t want to live in a world where those things get you famous.
There is so much nonsense on the internet that we now have to preface literal statements with the word “literally” because we cannot distinguish reality from fantasy. Notice how we never say “figuratively” before exaggerations or idiomatic speech. In fact, we often preface such literary tools with the word literally.
I am neither figuratively nor literally a wash-up. I am just another random person on a planet of 8 billion human souls.
Nonetheless, I will play the game. For the last year I’ve been flirting with total abandonment of the project of fame or being an artist. But I cannot. That is, I can abandon fame, but not creativity.
Throughout the year, there has been a strange uptick of comments reflecting my age, as I am now 37 years old. Almost everyone says I don’t look it.
When I was 23, I wanted to look and come off as someone around age 30. When I was 33, I realized that I was at the ideal age. Now I am 37 and hanging onto dear life to age 30, as folks say, “you look more like 29.” Wonderful! I’ll take it! I need more time anyway.
I’m still working out my program, but I am reconfiguring my relationship with social media. Firstly, I think 80% of folks should post at least 50% less than they do, so I am going to follow my own opinion on this. I haven’t been posting at all, so I want to learn how to do this in a way that promotes my objectives, not merely my existence.
What are my objectives? I am finally coming close to completing my home music and multimedia studio (not to mention my entire home restoration project). I would say that before the New Year, I will be producing music again. What kind of projects come naturally, it is hard to say. All I feel is that my dexterity is as good as ever, but my maturity is greater than ever, so my music is going to be better than ever.
I think about stand-up comedy, but I cannot do it. Here is what I will do. I have been writing jokes and bits. At least I note them down as they cross my mind. I will bring them to this blog and to social media. If I ever feel that I have 10 potential minutes and a solid 5 minutes, then I’ll take it to open mic. Until then, fuck it. I know how hard it is. I already paid three years of dues in Portland comedy. I want to bypass that bullshit and bring solid material to the mic. Otherwise, I am just happy to write humor and crack jokes with friends.
I also have ideas for documentaries, books, action camera content, and more. I am always a fucking wheelhouse of ideas. For another blog post, I could put five ideas out there that other people have realized. It is frustrating because I know I would be a millionaire by now had I focused on some of them. Given that, I still get ideas, so I should really pursue them in a smart way.
Lets close this out: I am going to revive my creative pursuits and find wholesome ways of self-promotion. I could give a shit if I get famous again because I am learning finance. Oh! Thats another thing. I have learned finance, so I am going to provide some finance tips on my blog. And DIY repair tips. I just want to share what I’m learning.
You see, if you are not just another consumer roaming around for pleasure and instead you are a truth seeker, a builder, a thinker, and you don’t easily play by the rules of the status quo, then you have an obligation, I believe. This is the heart of being an artist. Whatever you’re about, if you challenge the status quo and you have a vision for a better world, you are responsible to that talent, that vision, that special thing you have.
While I see the folly of snowflake mentality, and I fight that within myself, I also realize that people have always told me that I am not just another cog in the machine. I want to honor that without the trapping of egotism.
Don’t call it a comeback. I am just calling on myself to come forward, maybe for the first time.